How to Begin a Self-Search When You Don’t Even Know What You’re Looking For

Not everyone understands what it means, to search within yourself.

What does it mean to search within yourself?
Maybe it’s not about within, but around.
Maybe both.
And what is the purpose of the search?
Maybe the purpose of self-search is… purpose.

A purpose means wanting to succeed at something.
It’s important to have goals,
even if you haven’t succeeded in anything for a long time,
even if it’s hard to believe you’re capable.

Why is success important to you?

First of all, it’s a basic human desire.
Every baby wants to succeed, at walking, talking, connecting.
Success is about survival.
But as we grow older, success becomes detached from survival.
Today, as an adult, your desire for success is as big as you are.
We grow up in a world that tells us
that success is linked to work, possessions, or achievement, products, people, knowledge, trophies, medals, certificates, relationships.

A feeling of success that depends on external things is not freedom.

Success is a promise you walk with, from beginning to end.
The only thing it needs by its side is faith and honesty.
A baby trying to stand receives positive reinforcement from the environment,
which builds that elevated feeling we later call success.

All our lives, we try to recreate that feeling in different ways.
We simply want people to be proud of us, but we also want that pride to satisfy ourselves, not just others.

Pride that only satisfies others creates self-alienation,
and pride that only satisfies ourselves creates despair and emptiness.

This is where the search begins,
and this is where purpose begins.
The purpose is to find a kind of pride
that satisfies both us and the world around us.

What is a search?

A search is something you look for.
Every search has a goal, and that goal is to find.
Sometimes we forget there even was a goal
and fall in love with the search itself.

But a search without a goal is no longer a search.
It’s wandering.
Wandering can be nice sometimes, just aimless drifting,
but turning your search into endless wandering isn’t healthy.

Along the way, there will be demons.
The goal helps us pass the demons
without needing to fight each one unnecessarily.

Stages Of Return To God

If this reflection spoke to something inside you, you’re not alone. Many others are walking this path, each at their own pace, with their own questions. To understand where you are and where you might be going, explore the stages of return to God and see how your personal search fits into a much larger story.